A Complete Guide to Domestic Couple Jobs in the UK
By Craig and Kirsten Bruun (Told by Craig)
This guide covers the essential duties and skills of the profession. To read our full 20-year story—including how we survived toxic employers, navigated legal traps, and landed jobs in Britain's most expensive homes—get your copy of the complete ebook here.
We've worked as a live-in domestic couple in many private households, and we were incredibly lucky that our first experience was such a positive one. If we'd started our careers working for either of the two worst employers we mention in our ebook; let's just call them "The Nightmare" and "The Other Nightmare", it would have undoubtedly scarred our perception of this profession. We might never have gone on to discover how rewarding it can be when you work for the right people. Instead, we'd probably be running a support group called "Damaged Domestic Staff" where we'd sit in a circle sharing horror stories about being instructed to iron shoelaces.
A bad first experience can shape your view of what working as a live-in domestic couple in the United Kingdom is all about and can create a false impression based on trauma and disappointment. It's like judging all restaurants based on that one time you got food poisoning at a motorway service station; technically it's still the food industry, but it's hardly representative of what's possible.
Important Note: This guide is based on our experiences. It's not intended as legal or employment advice. We recommend doing your own research and getting professional legal help for specific situations.
Understanding the Domestic Couple Profession
What is a Live-in Domestic Couple?
What the Role Involves
In the context of employment, a domestic couple is two people, usually a husband and wife, who live and work together in a wealthy private household (sometimes the role is advertised as a "housekeeping couple"). In the UK, these employers are known as "principals".
The live-in element means that your accommodation is provided by the employer, making this both a job and a lifestyle. Almost all domestic couple jobs in the United Kingdom are live-in, but that doesn't necessarily mean you live inside your boss's house.
Exact duties depend entirely on the home and family that employs you, but typically include housekeeping, gardening, driving, cooking (sometimes), pet care, and managing outside contractors such as plumbers and electricians.
Beyond tasks, your job is anticipating needs before they're spoken. You work quietly, notice what's required, and act without prompting. You're hired as a pair because of the reliability and security that brings. When things go wrong, you deal with it together.
In larger households, you may work in bigger domestic teams: butlers, housekeepers, house managers, laundresses, ladies' maids, garden staff, and chauffeurs. Some of the larger households even employ two domestic couples, often with one in a senior role.
Teamwork, patience, and effective communication are essential; though try explaining that to an employer who communicates exclusively through Post-it notes stuck to the fridge at 3am. You're entrusted with another person's loved ones, home, and pets, which is a huge responsibility and slightly terrifying when you realise some people value their dog more than their own children (and frankly, we've met some children where we couldn't blame them).
But we've worked for some wonderful people, and we can tell you that when you work for people who actually value what you do and treat you like human beings, there's genuinely no better job in the world.
Understanding the Wealth Jargon:
Agencies often use specific terms to describe the level of wealth the household advertising a position for domestic staff. They do this to give you an idea of lifestyle and size of property. Here are some examples:
- HNW (High Net Worth): Individuals with $1 million+ in liquid, investable assets (excluding their primary residence). This is your starting point for private wealth. These people typically don’t employ many household staff except for nannies and childcare. And their houses are not usually big enough.
- VHNW (Very High Net Worth): Those with $5-30 million in investable assets.
- UHNW (Ultra-High Net Worth): Individuals with $30 million+ in investable assets. These households often employ full domestic staff teams and many operate family offices that run very similar to businesses.
- Billionaires: Worth $1 billion+. They occupy a special bracket within the UHNW category.
Life on the Estate: Social Trade-Offs
Living-in can feel a bit like being a hermit if you're used to a buzzing social life, especially in rural posts. It suits people who enjoy their own company and don't need constant excitement to feel content. Think "cosy night in with a good book" rather than "Friday night down the pub with fifteen mates."
When I was a House Manager in another role, I had staff on the estate who didn’t get this. They treated the job like a holiday with occasional work breaks. Monday mornings became a predictable game of "guess who's calling in sick?" The excuses were creative, I'll give them that—"migraine," "not well, boss," and the old favourite,"food poisoning" (funny how it only ever struck on Sunday nights). One Monday, two were mysteriously absent. I found them in a cottage garden, drinks in hand, looking rather sheepish when I appeared.
We're all human. Enjoy your days off! Pop down the pub, have a meal and a few drinks like everyone else. We do it too. But here's the thing: keep it to your days off. The party lifestyle and live-in work mix about as well as oil and water. If you want to keep your job, a bit of discretion and a temperate approach aren't just nice-to-haves; they're essential.
City vs Countryside Roles
City Roles
In cities, live-in domestic couples often work in on-street mansions: those deceptive properties that look modest from the street but, like an iceberg, have most of their square footage hidden below ground level in sprawling basement extensions. These homes often cater to a faster-paced lifestyle with higher expectations.
City roles, particularly in places like London, frequently feature advanced smart home technology for controlling elements such as blinds, lighting, televisions, and sound systems. Therefore, tech-savvy couples who are adept at managing these integrated systems are highly valued, as are those who can remain calm when the entire house decides to have a technological nervous breakdown at 6am and you're locked out of every room because the app's stopped working.
Employers often have demanding schedules, leading to a more formal professional relationship. We've worked in two very different central London properties and one North London one, and they couldn't have been more different, both in terms of jobs and employers. We had one of the worst employers and two of our best in London. The big plus for us was that we could escape on our time off into the city and enjoy the parks and restaurants, although you can end up spending your entire salary on outings if you happen to live "inside" the boss's house with them and you cannot wait to get out.
Here are some considerations:
- The focus is primarily on interiors and housekeeping.
- Laundry often involves designer labels, and haute couture.
- Driving means navigating busy streets in luxury vehicles (Rolls-Royces, Bentleys, Range Rovers).
- Smart dress required when driving (tie and jacket in formal households).
- "Gardening" usually means window boxes, railings, and seasonal floral displays.
- Close proximity to theatres, museums, parks, and restaurants on days off.
- When we talk about city roles, we are almost always talking about London. The city has one of the world's highest concentrations of wealth.
Country Roles
In the countryside, positions tend to be in period country homes or estates, often with significant land. These roles offer a very different lifestyle, with a focus on outdoor maintenance and seasonal tasks, alongside the traditional housekeeping duties.
These positions are often in Grade I or Grade II listed buildings, which can be both a privilege and challenge. You might find yourself responsible for maintenance in a medieval castle, Elizabethan manor, or Georgian country house.
Here are some considerations:
- More hands-on with grounds maintenance.
- Greater privacy, but also greater isolation.
- You might work alongside larger teams (gardeners, estate managers, gamekeepers).
- Involvement in estate businesses (farm shops, holiday lets).
- Often more space and privacy in accommodation.
- It can feel isolating if you're used to a busy social life.
- May involve helping out with estate facilities (pools, tennis courts, stables).
Duties and Responsibilities
Every household differs, but the aim remains constant: keep things running smoothly and make the employer's life easier.
Housekeeping and Laundry
Housekeeping forms the backbone of a live-in domestic couple's role, covering daily cleaning, laundry, ironing, polishing, and bed-making. These tasks require a systematic approach to ensure every area of the house receives proper attention.
Standards vary significantly between households. In formal homes, you may follow detailed routines, and some expect uniforms and the use of specialist products to protect valuable furniture, art, and finishes. In family homes with children, flexibility and common sense are most important.
Laundry management in wealthy households usually demands some expertise. You'll handle delicate fabrics, haute couture, and designer pieces. This involves knowing how to steam dresses, when to arrange specialist dry-cleaning, understand different fabric care requirements, and ensure every garment is ready for use. One of our London jobs had its own dry cleaning machine.
Cooking
Some positions do not involve cooking at all, while others may require preparing lunches for children, simple and hearty meals for the family, or even formal dinner service for guests.
Kirsten has cooked in all but one of the households we've worked in. Our experience shows that domestic couple employers are generally willing to hire a chef for special occasions unless one of your designated roles is specifically as a chef. It's important to clarify expectations before attending interviews. Since cooking is subjective, everyone has different tastes. We've witnessed couples and even qualified chefs take constant criticism from the principal, which can be challenging, especially when you are responsible for cooking three meals a day. Nothing quite compares to watching a Michelin-trained chef being told their soufflé isn't "fluffy enough" by someone whose culinary expertise peaks at boiling water. It can destroy an otherwise good job, turning every mealtime into a performance review.
When cooking is required, you'll need to adapt to dietary preferences and health requirements, including vegetarian, vegan, and gluten-free options.
Maintenance and Property Care
Maintenance covers everything from basic repairs to coordinating contractors, checking alarms, changing light bulbs, cleaning windows, and preparing guest rooms. Larger estates feel like small businesses, where organisation and initiative prove as valuable as physical work. Having a keen eye for detail and practical skills is essential, as you'll need to assess problems and implement effective solutions.
The UK has many listed properties—buildings legally protected to preserve their original style, materials, and heritage. Owners of these properties have a duty to maintain them to specific conservation standards. In one of our jobs, our employer enrolled me in a course to understand the practical skills related to lime pointing.
Gardening and Groundskeeping
Gardening expectations vary considerably depending on the property type and location. In smaller city homes, gardening is often limited to maintaining seasonal flower boxes and window displays. However, in rural positions, domestic couples are expected to be involved in groundskeeping to some degree.
For smaller properties or roles specifically titled Housekeeper/Gardener, you may be expected to hold qualifications from the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS). Additional certifications such as chainsaw operation and pesticide spraying licences are always a huge advantage in rural roles. However, it's worth noting that I have no gardening qualifications at all. In our roles, the most I've done is sweep leaves, mow lawns, and top fields with a tractor. The head gardener was always immensely relieved that was all I did, especially after I'd broken a couple of mowers.
Driving
Driving is a common requirement in most roles, and you'll need a valid UK driving licence with a good driving record. Expect to drive luxury vehicles—Rolls-Royces, Bentleys, and Range Rovers in city households, or perhaps a small staff car in country positions. Typical duties include running errands, shopping trips, airport runs, and sometimes school runs or transporting guests.
If driving features in your role, you'll usually handle vehicle maintenance too: keeping cars fuelled, MOT'd, taxed, insured, and cleaned.
Pet Care & Additional Duties
Britain is filled with animal lovers, so pet care is often an essential part of the role. In every household we've worked in except one, there were always two Labradors. Typical duties include feeding, grooming, walking, and arranging veterinary appointments.
Being an animal lover is a huge advantage. It shows good character and a kind heart, but there's more to it than that. When a principal trusts you with their beloved pets, being an animal lover can trump all other qualities and skills. For many employers, their pets are the most important things in their lives, and how you treat them matters enormously.
Horses are rare, but equestrian knowledge can also trump all other skills in households with stables. It's a brilliant gateway into country house positions if you have riding and stable management experience. We've never had to look after horses ourselves. The largest animals we've cared for were alpacas.
The flexible nature of domestic couple roles means you can be asked to help with almost anything beyond standard household duties. We've helped coordinate charity balls and supported wedding businesses run from historic households as well as served teas and cake during tours at National Trust properties we’ve worked in. The variety keeps the role interesting.
Essential Skills and Qualities
Starting Without Experience
Most households seek experienced domestic couples, but success depends as much on attitude and adaptability as practical ability. Every domestic couple started somewhere without experience. It's more difficult to secure that first position, but certainly not impossible.
We started without even knowing what a domestic couple was when we answered an advert in a local paper some twenty years ago. The full story in chapter 5 of how we secured our first role is proof that attitude can count more than experience.
One of the most important steps is identifying your transferable skills. Skills gained from previous jobs such as in gardening, hospitality, working in restaurants, equestrian, yacht crews, animal care, cooking, and trades such as plumbing and electrical can be incredibly beneficial in domestic couple roles.
You've Learned the "What." Now Learn the "How."
This guide gives you the foundation. Our complete ebook gives you the roadmap our careers took to a successful and happy career.
The full ebook includes:
- Our Complete 20-Year Story: From a medieval castle to working in some of Britain's most prestigious households and ending up in our best job ever in an informal, relaxed household.
- Career Progression: How we advanced from domestic couple roles to house managers, estate managers, and head housekeepers—and the financial benefits.
- The Narcissist, "Spiteful Heirs" and The Monster: A real-life lesson in workplace politics, harassment, and knowing when to fight back.
- Contracts, NDAs, and Your Rights: The legal loopholes that leave domestic staff vulnerable and how to protect yourself.